Jingle (Teaser)

Jingle (Teaser)

Do you have any favourite LDS hymns?

At first, Brother Paul could not think of ANY. Then he remembered a hymn with SCI-FI lyrics: "If You Could Hie to Kolob". He had even learned to play it on guitar a LONG TIME AGO (IN A WARD JUST ROUND THE CORNER...).

It uses a depressing melody recycled by other hymns called "Kingsfold". So Sister Patience made it HAPPIER!

"If You Could Hie to Kolob" Lyrics

Used by LACK OF PERMISSION because PUBLIC DOMAIN.

(With Blasphemous Comments by Sister Patience)

Verse 1

If you could hie to Kolob
In the twinkling of an eye,
And then continue onward
With that same speed to fly,

Comments

"Hie" means "hurry".

"Kolob" is a planet (or star) Joseph Smith invented in the "Book of Abraham". A place close to God. Like "Heaven".

It seems Battlestar Galactica got its planet "Kobol" from "Kolob".

Warp 50 Mr Sulu!

Lyrics (cont...)

Do you think that you could ever,
Through all eternity,
Find out the generation
Where Gods began to be?

Comments

I wish this was Xena Warrior Princess fan fiction.

Verse 2

Lyrics (cont...)

Or see the grand beginning,
Where space did not extend?

Comments

The Big Bang was amazing.

See "Our Mathematical Universe" by Max Tegmark.

Lyrics (cont...)

Or view the last creation,
Where Gods and matter end?

Comments

This may not be the author's meaning but...

Entropy reversal to the point of information loss by humans/souls giving up individuality, and ceasing to be, seems really shitty. Yet so many religious ideas reiterate this concept.

On the flipside, entropy reversal by better organisation of important data is exciting! Compression algorithms! Programming structures!

Lyrics (cont...)

Methinks the Spirit whispers,
"No man has found 'pure space',
Nor seen the outside curtains,
Where nothing has a place."

Comments

"Methinks" he needs QUEER EYE for the LATTER DAY SAINT GUY to help re-decorate.

Verse 3

Lyrics (cont...)

The works of God continue,
And worlds and lives abound;

Comments

Is God running a bunch of parallel experiments (universes)? Watch out if you're living in a dud: he'll pull the plug!

Lyrics (cont...)

Improvement and progression
Have one eternal round.

Comments

Contrary to Twitter noise, humans (in general) have never had it better than now. We don't need Kolob. It will be deprecated by Earth one day. See "The Better Angels of Our Nature" by Steven Pinker.

Lyrics (cont...)

There is no end to matter;
There is no end to space;
There is no end to spirit;
There is no end to race.

Comments

As long as there's an end to racial prejudice!

Verse 4

Lyrics (cont...)

There is no end to virtue;
There is no end to might;
There is no end to wisdom;
There is no end to light.

Comments

Shine a torch at a wall. The light ends.

Lyrics (cont...)

There is no end to union;

Comments

Good luck putting up with your family FOREVER on the planet Kolob.

Lyrics (cont...)

There is no end to youth;

Comments

I guess he means living forever.

Once again, we don't need Kolob for that! People are living longer all the time because of SCIENCE. Have you seen Padma Lakshmi? She's in her 50's, but looks 25!

Lyrics (cont...)

There is no end to priesthood;

Comments

BORING!

Lyrics (cont...)

There is no end to truth.

Comments

Truth died in Joseph Smith's hat.

Verse 5

Lyrics (cont...)

There is no end to glory;
There is no end to love;
There is no end to being;
There is no death above.

Comments

Thank Christ there IS AN END to this song!