Alma 11: Deconversion Brainworm

#128 Alma 11: Deconversion Brainworm

I'll see your SHUM and raise you an ONTI

Gigi and Patience read Alma 11 from The Book of Mormon. It was pretty fun. The whole chapter is just so stupid. Smitty invents nomenclature for values of gold and silver and it all means nothing because we don't know how much a "measure of grain" is.

It seems the only reason for this weak attempt at world-building was to explain the value of "six onties of silver" in Verse 22. This is where Judge Zeezrom tries to bribe Amulek. Or is it a purity test? Who knows! Was Joseph oxygen deprived inside his devining hat?

Patience promised an algerbraic equation of Smitty's currency values. But it turns out, it's simpler than that! Several units have identical values, and everything is relative to that nebulous GRAIN MEASURE which is the only unknown, and we'll call it "g".

Unique Units:

• LEAH = g/8
• SHIBLUM = g/4
• SHIBLON = g/2
• GOLD ANTION = 3g/2

Duplicate Units:

• SILVER SENUM = GOLD SENINE = g
• GOLD SEON = SILVER AMNOR = 2g
• GOLD SHUM = SILVER EZROM = 4g
• GOLD LIMNAH = SILVER ONTI = 7g

There is also some pretty bold and stupid doctrinal and eschatalogical statements in this chapter. In verse 39 Amulek even equates God the Father with the Son of God! Clearly the modern Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints ignores this trinitarian doctrine from their own holy book.

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• Sister Gigi doesn't understand why other people find Rachel Maddow so annoying. Sister Patience finds Rachel Maddow annoying, but struggles to explain why.
• Why do women send letters to dangerous men in jail AND fall in love with them? Is it the same mechanism that caused so many women to marry Joseph Smith? Could a cult be dismantled by separating the women from it?